Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
