You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I only lived at night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
