You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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