God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
