I am puke
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
