I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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