he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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