I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
