I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
