he wants to bone in the snuggie
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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