I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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