I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
