If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
