before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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