I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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