Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Couch. On fire.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
