you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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