Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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