Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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