just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
