I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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