Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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