No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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