I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
