Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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