I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
