8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
