While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
