She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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