Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
