So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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