just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
