i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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