I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
