get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
