he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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