he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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