I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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