you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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