she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
