the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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