i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
