Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
