this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
