i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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