just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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