you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
