he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
