he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
