you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
