I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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