i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
