I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
